A Little Bit Better
by Carleystan
Summary: Jay comforting Erin after the trial.How it would go in my perfect world. One shot.


**So this is never going to happen on the show, but a girl can dream right? Besides I think we deserve a little Linstead comforting after the heartbreak we endured with that crossover. **

* * *

It was cold in New York City for mid April; the sort of cold that turned your cheeks rosy and made the tip of your nose go numb. It seemed fitting considering the rest of her felt numb anyways.

The trial was over. She thought she'd be able to feel something by now. Devastated that her friend was gone, elated that the scumbag responsible would rot behind bars, something, anything, but instead she felt more detached from her emotions than ever.

A group had gone to the bar after the trial and that she was thankful for. The sting of the whisky going down allowed her to feel something. It wasn't emotion, but the burn was a start, right?

Slowly the group became smaller and smaller, until it was just the three Chicago detectives leaving.

"Aren't you coming?" She asked Hank when he didn't follow her into the cab.

"No I have something I need to take care of first. I'll see you guys in the morning to catch our flight."

"Okay." Erin nodded, but Voight was already looking past her, and at Jay. Jay knew he was silently asking him to make sure Erin was alright, and got back to her room safely. She wasn't drunk, not even tipsy really, but Hank was worried about her. Everyone was worried about her.

The cab ride was eerily quiet. The driver had music playing quietly for background noise, but other than that it was silent. That's why Jay noticed when she started to sniffle. She stared out the window, refusing to let him see her face, but sniffling gave it away.

She hoped he wouldn't say anything, but more so she prayed he wouldn't touch her. If he touched her she would break, and if she broke, she wasn't sure if she could ever fit the pieces back together again. Numbness was so much easier.

When his hand went to her knee she gasped, knowing it was coming, the comforting squeeze. Less then a half second later, his fingers gave her leg a gentle hug, and the noise that escaped her seemed inhuman.

Her croak turned into a sob, and she fell apart right then and there, in the back of the taxi.

Her forced her to turn and face him by pulling her legs around onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her torso, while she buried her face into his dress shirt. Gasps for air and shrill cries fought over who got to be the first to escape her throat. Mascara globed tears now stained Jay's light blue button down, and Erin wished more than anything that she could just go back to being numb.

When they pulled up outside the hotel, Jay paid the driver. The man looked horrified and unsure if he should ask what was going on. Jay was thankful he didn't ask.

He would have carried her inside had she not refused, so his hand stayed steadily around her waist. She was wobbly and needed the support on multiple occasions during their short walk to the elevator.

When they got her room, she sat on the bed, kicked off her heels, and flopped backwards with her legs still hanging off the mattress.

"I'm sorry." She finally mumbled. Jay was leaning against the wall watching her, unsure of what to do next.

"I don't need you to ever apologize for that, Erin."

"I ruined your good shirt."

He looked down and noticed the smears of black makeup covering his chest. "If you're that concerned, you can pay for my dry cleaning bill, but honestly I'm not all that worried about it." He took a seat behind her on the edge of the bed. Her hair was draped out, and he didn't hesitate to run his fingers through the silky strands. "I am worried about you though." He whispered.

"Because I cried?" She sounded somewhat annoyed, yet embarrassed.

"Because you loved her." He responded bluntly.

Her eyes closed and she nodded slowly. "I did, or do. I love her. She wasn't just some project to me, Jay."

"God, Erin I know that. Anything that asshole said in court do not pay attention to. Nadia was your friend, she was family, and everyone who matters knows that. More importantly, she knew that."

"I hope you're right. I hope she knew."

"She did. You gave her a life, and a second chance, and she loved you for that, Erin. She loved you."

"And now what am I supposed to do? Tomorrow I have to go home, to the apartment we were sharing. What am I going to do about her stuff?"

"You can stay with me."

"No, I can't. You know why we can't."

"We can pack her stuff up then."

"And what, I pretend like she was never even there? I can't do that either."

"Of course not, but you don't need to look at it every day right now. I'll come over tomorrow and box it up for you. You can go to Hanks, or to my place and relax or something. I'll take care of it for you." He rubbed her back slowly. "I can take care of it for you" he repeated.

"You'll do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, Erin. Please tell me you know that." It was a cliché thing to say, he knew that, but he needed to make sure she was aware.

"Yeah." She sighed. "I guess I do."

"Good." He replied firmly.

"I guess I'm gonna change for bed and wash this mess off my face. Are you going to stay here?"

"I'll wait right here." He grabbed the remote off the nightstand and held it up as if to prove he wasn't going anywhere.

Ten minutes later, Jay grinned when Erin emerged from the bathroom in his army strong T-shirt. "So that's where it went."

Her cheeks flushed at the realization of what she was wearing.

He hurried to assure her she had no reason to be embarrassed. "It looks better on you anyway."

He couldn't help but be happy she had it. She'd kept it after they cooled off, and better yet she'd brought it to New York with her. Before he could come to the city, Erin had brought _his_ shirt to sleep in as a sense of comfort. Knowing that made him feel less hopeless. If just his shirt could provide some sort of solace, he could surely get her through this.

"So are you going up to your room?" She asked while crawling into bed. She sat against the headboard, and Jay turned to face her from his spot perched at the foot of the bed. His hand squeezed her foot under the covers.

"I probably should. I can wait here until hank gets back if you want though." Voight had the room next door, and he and Erin had opened the conjoining doors so Erin didn't have to feel alone.

"Would you. I just…. I don't want to be by myself."

"Of course."

"You can come lay down. I really don't think Voight will have anything to say about it tonight."

He stripped down to his boxers and under-shirt to get in bed beside her. They turned to face each other. Erin watched his worried eyes scan her face, before taking a glimpse of the shirt she had stolen.

Her horse voice croaked as she began to whisper. "She always made fun of me for wearing it every night. She said I was her 'love sick puppy dog." A hint of a smile graced her lips at the memory of Nadia. "I told her it was comfortable and that's why I wore it, but she knew better. I swear she asked me about you everyday." The smile pulled a little more. "God she was annoying." Her tone mocked exasperation, but a real grin came as she recalled memories of Nadia teasing her about Jay in the apartment they shared.

"No, annoying was when she'd cut in during debriefing, and give some genius idea before any of us could think of it. How the hell was she so fast? She was to damn smart for her own good sometimes."

"Yeah and Voight loved her, Platt loved her, she was well on her way to taking over my life." She began to laugh and Jay laughed with her for a moment. Then her light chuckle turned to full on cackling, and her cackling turned into sobs.

She fought him for a second when he pulled her into his chest, but she wasn't strong enough to resist for long.

"Shhhh. I know. Let it out." He did his best to console her, but what could he really say? The reality of the situation was hitting her in waves, and he wasn't sure when it would all finally soak in for her.

"Jay, she's gone." She wept. "She's really gone, and…and I miss her."

"I miss her too, Er, so I can't imagine what it's like for you."

"I couldn't save her. I should have. I should have saved her. "

"None of us could. This is not your fault Erin."

"But I could of…."

"No. You did everything you could. This is not your fault. This is horrible and devastating and it's okay to cry and be angry, but it's not your fault, you understand me?"

She hiccupped on her sobs, trying to catch her breath. With her head resented on his chest she whimpered calming herself down. When her breathing had studied, and Jay's shirt had a sopping puddle of tears she let out a broken whisper. "Your shirt is all wet. I keep ruining them."

"That's okay"

"It's sticking to my face." She complained. The comment made him smile slightly. She had soaked his shirt with her tears, and now she was complaining that it was wet and bothering her. This was the Erin Lindsay he knew and loved.

"Well, here." He sat up on his elbows, forcing her to move her head, and pulled the shirt off. Afterwards he pulled her even tighter against him, one arm around her waist, and one around her shoulders. "Better?"

"Yeah. Thank you." It was better. The warmth of his skin, his muscles wrapped around her, the beating of his heart right beneath her ear, it was better. Having him there with her made everything a little bit better.


End file.
